How to Be Intentional on Your Wedding Day (And Actually Feel It)
How to Be Intentional on Your Wedding Day (And Actually Feel It)
After photographing weddings across the Riviera Maya, Yucatán, and Italy for over a decade, I've seen two kinds of wedding days. There are couples who arrive at the end of the night exhausted but glowing — they danced, they cried, they laughed, they felt every single moment. And there are couples who made it through, who survived their wedding day but didn't really live it.
The difference almost always comes down to one thing: intentionality.
Not budget. Not venue. Not how many guests showed up or how elaborate the florals were. Intentionality — the quiet decision to ask yourself, before every choice you make, do I actually want this, and will I be glad I did it in ten years?
This is everything I've learned, from our own wedding and from standing behind a camera at hundreds of others.
The Guest List: Only People You Really Love
Weddings are a cultural mirror. We follow norms passed down through generations — the bachelor party, the bouquet toss, not seeing each other before the ceremony. Modern couples are rewriting all of this, and honestly, good for them.
One norm that deserves serious questioning is the guest list.
Jacky and I invited a few people to our own wedding simply because we had to — colleagues, old friends we hadn't spoken to in years, people we haven't seen once in the three years since. Looking back, we wish we'd asked ourselves one simple question for every name on that list: do I genuinely want this person around me for an entire weekend?
I once photographed a wedding where the bride's mother had invited the neighbors — including a teenage boy who had been secretly in love with the bride for years. Mid-ceremony, he stood up, shouted "I love you!" and ran out of the venue. That is, of course, the worst possible scenario. But it proves the point exactly: your wedding day, especially a destination wedding in another country, should be surrounded only by the people who truly belong there.
Be intentional about who you invite. A smaller, warmer room full of people who love you will always feel better than a large, obligatory crowd.
Investment: What Will You Be Happy About in Ten Years?
Let's talk about money, not how much to spend, but how to spend it.
The question I ask couples is this: in ten years, what will remain from your wedding day? The flowers are gone by Monday. The open bar is a memory. The fancy canapes have been digested. What lasts? The dress. The jewelry. The photographs.
I've met couples over the years who told me they had a terrible experience with their photographer — not because the photographer was bad, but because they never vetted them properly. They hired someone a friend recommended, followed that advice blindly, never had a real conversation, never set expectations. My best friend got married in Italy a few years ago and hired a photographer who was well-known in town, technically skilled, but worked in a very quiet, passive, hands-off way. For a wedding with 150 guests, you need someone who can organize, guide, and lead. Nobody communicated this beforehand, no expectations were set, and on the day, my friend didn't know what to do with himself during the shoot. They didn't even get proper group photos because nobody was there to organize them. That's not the photographer's fault. It's a failure of intentionality during the planning phase.
The same goes for videography. Hire a videographer because you want video — because you genuinely want to relive your day in motion. Not because your parents think you should. If you're going to invest in it, hire someone whose work moves you, someone you can talk to, someone you feel comfortable around.
And on the subject of spending in general: I've watched grooms arrive with boxes of expensive Cuban cigars that nobody touched because nobody smokes. I've seen brides wear dramatic veils on windy beaches that made them miserable all afternoon, simply because a parent liked the idea. Before every purchase, ask yourself four things: Do I want this? Am I ready to invest in this? What do I love about it? And will I be happy about it in ten years? If the answer to any of those is no — let it go.
You are creating your family legacy. Invest accordingly.
The Getting Ready: Set the Stage Before the Day Begins
Every wedding morning, I walk into one of two situations.
The first: a clean, calm room. Everything is ironed and hung properly, out of plastic bags. Accessories are grouped together in one safe, accessible place. There's space to move. The energy is relaxed and happy because everyone planned ahead.
The second: chaos. Suitcases open on the floor, towels everywhere, leftover food on the nightstand, small accessories lost somewhere in the disorder. Usually followed by the phrase — "you can Photoshop that out, right?" Wrong.
Last year I was shooting a getting ready in a particularly messy room. There was a tray of half-eaten ice cream bowls sitting near the entrance, right next to the dress. I accidentally knocked it with my camera. Six ceramic mugs hit the floor and the wall, and chocolate ice cream splashed across an expensive handbag lying on the floor. I felt terrible and apologized immediately — but I also knew that I hadn't left a tray of melting ice cream on the floor of a wedding suite on the morning of a wedding. We spent a significant amount of time cleaning up a situation that was completely avoidable.
Beyond the chaos and the photographs — a clean, calm room simply feels better. You start your wedding day the way you want to live it.
Practical advice: Start earlier than you think you need to. Book hair and makeup to finish an hour before you actually need to leave. Something always runs long — it happens at literally every wedding — and having that buffer means you absorb the delay without stress. Have everyone fed before they arrive. Gather all accessories and details in one place the night before. Have suits and dresses ironed and hung, out of plastic, the day before. Create the environment you want to get ready in, and your whole morning will feel different.
The First Look and Your Vows: The Most Personal Moment of the Day
Let me tell you a story about a paper airplane.
Eighteen months before our wedding, Jacky and I were on a road trip through Mexico with friends. We ended up at a random hotel for dinner, it was actually the night I proposed. We got a little drunk and started folding paper airplanes out of the paper table covers. Jacky kept one of those planes without telling me.
On our wedding day, during the ceremony, we got to the vows. She reached into somewhere — I still don't know where she'd been hiding it and pulled out that paper airplane, unfolded it, and began to read. I recognized it immediately. I froze.
And then I pulled out my phone.
I tell this story to every couple I work with. Jacky spent time thinking about me, about us, about a specific memory we shared on a random beach in Baja California the night I proposed. She wrote her vows on something that meant something. It didn't cost money. It didn't require extraordinary effort. It required intentionality. She knew exactly how to bring me back to that moment, how to cut through the nerves of a wedding ceremony and make me feel like it was just the two of us.
I pulled out my phone. I am not proud of this.
Write your vows. Handwrite them. Think about your person, what makes them laugh, what moves them, what private memory only the two of you share. That's where the real moment lives.
The first look is also an opportunity to do something intentional: share your vows privately, just the two of you, before the ceremony. What you say in that moment belongs only to you. You can always write something shorter and more public for the ceremony itself — which is exactly what Jacky and I did. The private exchange takes the pressure off the ceremony, aligns your energy, and lets you walk to the altar already feeling connected.
The Ceremony: Have Someone Who Loves You Officiate
About a third of the weddings I photograph use an officiant provided by the resort. I understand why — it's convenient, it's included, it checks a legal box. But for the symbolic ceremony, for the moment in front of everyone you love, I'd strongly encourage you to find someone who actually knows you.
There is a profound difference between words spoken by a stranger reading from a script and words spoken by someone who has known you for twenty years, who has seen you fall apart and put yourself back together, who genuinely wants to witness and bless what you're starting together. That difference shows up in the room. It shows up on your faces. It shows up in the photographs.
A good exercise before you start planning: think about the last three weddings you attended. Write down five things you loved and three things you didn't enjoy. Do this honestly. The pattern will tell you exactly what kind of wedding you want to have. If you find yourself writing about the food, maybe you're a foodie who should invest in exceptional catering. If the first thing you mention is your grandmother and how much it will mean to have her there — that tells me something too. As your photographer, I want to know that. I want to make sure I'm watching for her all day.
Your wedding can be a formality you endure, or it can be the best day of your life. What makes the difference is taking the time, well before the day itself, to ask what you actually want.
Group Photos: The List That Saves Your Cocktail Hour
Here is something I tell every couple: I can complete all group photos in ten minutes, whether you have fifty guests or a hundred and fifty. The only condition is that we have a list.
With a list, I call out each combination, we move efficiently, everyone gets released to enjoy cocktail hour, and you get to have a drink and actually talk to your guests. Without a list, you stand in the sun smiling for an hour while someone tries to remember who else needs to be in a photo.
Make the list before the wedding. Think about who you want photos with, and include your parents early — they'll appreciate it and it's more efficient than adding them in randomly later. Share the list with your coordinator or a trusted person in the wedding party who can help round people up. Ten minutes. Done. Enjoy your cocktail hour.
The Photoshoot: Talk to Your Photographer Before the Day
Before every wedding I photograph, I schedule a video call with the couple. Not just to go over logistics — but to understand them. Have they had professional photos taken before? Did they enjoy their engagement shoot or did it feel awkward? Are they naturally expressive or do they need a little direction?
With shy couples especially, connecting beforehand changes everything. By the time we're together on wedding day, there's already trust. They're not performing for a stranger — they're spending time with someone they know. And that shows in the photographs. I wrote a full guide on how to feel comfortable in front of the camera — many of the principles start before the wedding day itself, during our planning calls.
I like to think of the photoshoot not as a shoot at all, but as the couple genuinely exploring the venue together while I happen to be nearby with a camera. We guide when needed. We work from a mood board the couple and I build together — some want editorial poses, some want to be near the ocean, some want to explore the architecture. Half of the couples I work with come in extremely prepared, having thought clearly about what they want the photos to feel like. That preparation makes the experience better for everyone. Talk to your photographer before the wedding. Set expectations. Make sure you actually like each other.
The Reception: Protect the Energy of the Night
I have photographed weddings where the speeches lasted ninety minutes. An open mic, well-intentioned, that absorbed the entire reception while guests grew restless and the dance floor never came alive. By the time it was over, there was no time left to dance.
My honest recommendation: use the welcome dinner the night before to let people share longer, heartfelt thoughts about you as a couple. On wedding day itself, keep speeches to the people who matter most — parents, siblings, best man, maid of honor — and give them a time limit. Sweet, meaningful, and brief. Then let the night begin.
The Music: Build the Playlist a Year Out
You know your people better than any DJ does. You know what will make your grandmother smile and what will get your best friends on the floor. Use that knowledge.
Start building two playlists about a year before your wedding. The first list: every song you absolutely do not want played. The second: songs you need to hear that night, no exceptions. Let both lists grow over the year, add to them as songs come to mind, and then share them with your DJ along with the genres and energy you want across the evening. A good DJ will take that information and do something great with it. And you'll spend the night dancing instead of running over to make requests.
Bonus: The Mexico Touch
If you're getting married in Mexico, consider two things that will make your guests lose their minds in the best possible way.
Mariachis. We had them at our wedding and our international guests completely freaked out — in the best way. There is something about live mariachi music that is joyful and surprising and deeply Mexican, and guests who have never experienced it will talk about it for years.
A taco stand at midnight. Food around midnight does two things: it absorbs the tequila, and it gives everyone a reason to pause, gather, eat together, and then restart. We've seen it extend parties until 3am that might have ended at 1. Some of the most beautifully produced weddings we've photographed have both. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It just has to be there.
The Thread Running Through All of It
Every section of this article comes back to the same question: do I actually want this, and will I be glad I did it in ten years?
Not what your parents want. Not what the venue package includes. Not what you saw on Instagram. What you want, for yourself and for the person you're marrying.
Your wedding day is one of the few days in your life that is entirely, unapologetically yours. The couples I've photographed who feel that who live it, are the ones who made deliberate choices in the months before. Who asked the hard questions. Who said no to some things so they could say a fuller yes to others.
Be intentional. You'll feel the difference.
With love.
Luke